hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
