On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My ass is underappreciated
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
