Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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