Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
