She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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