No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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