Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ttyl tear gas
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
