new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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