true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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