we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
