what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
