I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
