its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Boobs speak an international language.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
