weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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