I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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