I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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