I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
