Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
