Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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