his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
