so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize