her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
