toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
