I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
