can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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