1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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