we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
