I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
