exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
