What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
