i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
