hotel room ftw
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
