Screwed.edu
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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