mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
