If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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