Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Randomize
