At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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