Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
