Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
