I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
