Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
