New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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