i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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