I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
