I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
