I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
