last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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