when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
