i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
