At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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