We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
