he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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