Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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