After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
