yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
