mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
