I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
