Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
