i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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