You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
