My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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