i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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