kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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